The Patron Saint of Potatoes @ St. Francis

Location: St. Francis- North Central Phoenix (aka NorCenPho– hey, one day, it's going to catch on) @ 1st St. & Camelback

HH Hours: Food specials every day from 3pm-6pm. Drink specials weekdays from 11am-6pm & weekends from 3pm-6pm. Drink deals include 1/2 price specialty cocktails, wines by the glass, and 12oz. cans of beer. Drafts are also $3 off. You can see the full HH menu here.

Highlights: The potatoes! For $5, you get a plate of fingerling potatoes with rosemary, sage, and a lemon aioli dipping sauce. If you don't like these potatoes, you are probably the same kind of person that hates puppies and love. A little known fact– St. Francis is actually the patron saint of ridiculously good potatoes.

I also ordered the Cheese Flatbread ($6) and the Romaine Hearts Salad ($5.50). The Cheese Flatbread was flavorful and the crust was crisp, light, airy, and slightly chewy– a winning combination. While the Romaine Hearts Salad might sound boring, apples, bacon, and buttermilk cheddar dressing keep it from being just a lame plate of lettuce.

Not sure why, but the night we went, the tables on the patio were all gone. But when the tables are there, it's a great place to sit and enjoy your meal. Plus, when there's a game on, they project it on to the wall. Usually, it's not some crappy college football bowl game that no one cares about.

Oh yeah, the French Onion Burger ($8), topped with smoked bacon, grueyere, crispy onions, is allegedly amazingly delicious. I say allegedly because my mom ordered it before I arrived and proceed to eat the whole thing without saving me a single bite. She didn't even get a bun. But she took a picture, so I guess it all works out?

Lowlights: There's really not much to dislike here, but if I am going to nitpick, I'm not a fan of is the parking situation. I know it's a small lot, but is it really necessary to have "free" valet? If I have to tip you, it's not free, and I rarely have cash on me, so then I feel like a cheap asshole when I try to quickly get in my car and avoid eye contact. Plus, I always feel stupid valeting my car. My car isn't crappy, but it certainly is valet-worthy, and it looks even crappier when the valet parks it between two shiny new Beemers. Although, I hear that if you want to avoid valet, you can park at the Bank of America next door. But don't sue me if you get towed. After all, I'm pretty much a lawyer.


I'm also not sure if it was because I had just run 3 miles, but my Cucumber Cooler ($5) was a bit too sweet and made me nauseous. But maybe I shouldn't try and re-hydrate with Gin and lemonade. It's kind of like Gatorade, right?

The Crowd: The usuall NorCenPho crowd– rich folk, hipsters, and yuppies.

And the Verdict is . . .

If this place is good enough for LeBron James, it's good enough for me. That's actually a lie. I can't stand LeBron, but he has eaten here, so I guess that's cool for people who like whiny, under-achieving athletes some people. It was not cool for the wait staff, apparently, as a bartender told me that "King" James is a terrible tipper. And if you google LeBron and tipping, the staff at St. Francis aren't the only ones he has stiffed. I guess tipping for LeBron is like playing well in the Fourth Quarter– he just doesn't do it. LOLZZ. I should probably just become a stand-up comedian.

Anyways, regardless of how you feel about Lebron, you will love St. Francis. Great food, great drinks, in a swanky atmosphere that won't bust you wallet.

V Bar is not just for the ladies...

Location: Hotel Valencia, Santana Row

                V-Bar 

HH Hours: Everyday (yes, every single day) 5:00 to 7:00p

 Menu: http://www.hotelvalencia-santanarow.com/dining/documents/SunsetStartersVbarMenu.pdf

Well drinks are $5.00!!! And listed appetizers are $5.00 too- plus they are actually delicious, not reheated under the heat-lamp in the back.

Highlights:The drinks are amazing and for such a cheap price.  I had the Red Dragon ( Skyy Dragon Fruit Vodka, Prosecco, sweet & sour, and lime juice) and the Prime Rib French Dip on Focaccia bread with provolone cheese.  I was really pleased with my food and drink(s). 

The ambiance was pretty sensual, definitely a sexy kind of place.  If you are looking for a Happy Hour place for the grown and sexy, this would be it. The chain link curtains added a bit of an S&M feel, but it's okay since you are given the "safe word" at the entrance. 

On a side note, there is free parking in Santana Row...So use that would be parking money to buy more drinks!

Lowlights:

Well... my one gripe is that you have to go up to the bar to order a drink, even when you are sitting at a table.  It would just make sense to have a waitress come take your order if you have a group of 10 sitting at a table ordering drinks and food.  We had asked one waitress to bring us another appetizer but it never came.  We sat devastated and hungry.  I vowed not to give her a tip... or rather here is one: you are a server, so part of your duties is to serve me food.

The Crowd:

A good mix of people.  It was Saturday, so you can expect some crazies.  I had the pleasure of standing next to an up and coming prostitute when taking the elevator to the bar.  Concerned she looked cheap, she asked her friend if she looked too "hootchie." With much confidence, her friend said no, you look cute! If only they had Responsible Friendship classes in school.  Another lady had a big, pink Lady GaGa bow on her head.  It's not Christmas yet.  If you love people watching, which is one of my favortie hobbies, this place will certainly provide much entertainment. 

The Verdict:

This place is classy and sophisticated yet offers amazing drinks and appetizers for dirt cheap.  It made me feel rich even though I am poorer than those freeway panhandlers.  I would definitely recommend this place for a first date or post Afternoon Delight drinks.  But please, leave your street wear at home and chances are if you feel you look like a hoodrat, you probably do. 

Did You Forget the Salt? @ Brick

courtesy of downtowndevil.com

Location: Brick- Downtown Phoenix @ Arizona Center

HH Hours: 11:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. There's $4 sangria, $3 Four Peaks drafts, $5 wines by the glass, and 1/2 price bar food.

 










Highlights: There list of $5 wines on the happy hour menu was impressive. Unlike most places, it wasn't just some variant of 2-Buck-Chuck. The French Fires here are perfect– I could have eaten a plate by myself. But since I am trying to eat healthier these days, I ordered a small Greek Salad ($5), which was actually really good. It was fresh and the Apple Vinaigrette added a nice twist. The bar also looks super cool and modern. And they have all the Four Peaks beers on drafts for $3. Enough said.

Lowlights: It seemed like our food was under-seasoned, and by under-seasoned, I mean no seasoning whatsoever. My boyfriend ordered a cheeseburger, and it tasted like plain ground beef. On the hummus plate I ordered, I think the most flavorful thing were the cucumbers. The hummus was too thick and had no distinct flavor, and the "grilled" pita bread was too chewy and did not taste like it had been anywhere near a grill. As someone who is a self-proclaimed carbo-holic, I think it says something that I left pita on my plate. I know the hummus plate is only $4 during HH and I shouldn't complain, but I'd gladly pay more for some flavor!

Hummus plate w/ feta & veggies

The booths are also built at straight 90º angles. While that might be good for the few people who have perfect posture, for us regular-slouchin' folk, it means after about 5 minutes, you will start to get pretty uncomfortable. You're probably better off sitting at a bar or table.

The Crowd... The place was pretty dead when we got there about 5:30. Before we left though, a couple big groups came in and the bar was full. There was a good mix of out-of-town visitors and the local downtown Phoenix crowd.

And the Verdict is ...

I really wanted to love Brick. And while I didn't love Brick after my first visit, I liked it enough to give it another chance.

On an unrelated note, every time I say 'Brick', all I can hear in my head is "She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly..." C'mon, you know you do too.

This Compass Points Towards Gluttony @ Compass Grill

Location: Compass Arizona Grill @ the Hyatt Regency in Downtown Phoenix

HH Hours: Reverse HH is 9pm to 11pm everyday. (You can have reverse HH when you don't have regular HH?) Anyways, reverse HH gets you $5 desserts, $5 Canvas Wine (5oz of Chardonnay, Merlot, or Cabernet), $5 Wells, and $7 Featured Signature Cocktails.

Highlights: The view! (It's really pretty late night too, but unfortunately those pictures didn't come out as well.)

And if the view isn't enough for you, the dessert and wine are both delicious! We sampled the Strawberry Shortcake and a Chocolate Tort with Dulce de Leche Ice Cream. The Strawberry Shortcake tasted exactly like a Strawberry Good Humor Bar... in other words it was amazing! If you're more of a chocolate person, you will love the Chocolate Tort! Drink-wise for $5, the house wine is a solid choice. If you are in the mood for hard liquor, they also offer a pretty decent selection of well drinks on the HH menu.  

 
 










Lowlights: The interior is dated. You definitely notice you're eating in a hotel restaurant. The service was also not the best on our two visits. On our first visit, our waiter was nice, but awkward, and brought us the check as soon as he brought us our drinks. If I'm paying over $10 a drink (it wasn't HH yet), at least let me enjoy it before you shove the bill in my face. On our second visit, someone in our party told the hostess we just wanted to sit in the bar, and she quickly snapped, "Um, the bar is downstairs. We don't have a bar. Unless you want to sit in the lounge." The "lounge" looked exactly like the rest of the place except with an uglier table and chairs. If you're going to be snooty, you better have something to be snooty about.

With interior "design" like this, you'll be extra thankful for the amazing view!

 
The Crowd: Lots of tourists/out-of-town folks. And ironically, there were quiet a few children on both our visits. On our second visit, some parents had actually brought their 7 year old for a birthday party (a.k.a. the kids sat at a table by themselves while mom & dad boozed. What happened to just going to Chuck E. Cheese?)

And the Verdict is...

Compass might not be the swankiest spot in town, but you won't get a view like this anywhere else in the valley. Not only is it a great place to take out-of-town visitors, but even native Phoenicians will enjoy seeing the city from a different view. Where else can you get a rotating view of the valley? It takes about an hour for the restaurant to make a full rotation, so have some wine, dessert, and enjoy the ride.




P.S. I almost forgot, but the elevator is super fast and fun, yet slightly scary. Maybe I just had too much wine.




 

The 70s Called... They Want Their Disco Ball & Wood Paneling Back

Location: Primebar @ Scottsdale Quarter in North Scottsdale. They also have locations in Dallas, Chicago, and Chapel, FL.

HH Hours: M-F 4pm to 7pm. $3 drafts, $5 glasses of wine, $ 6 cocktails, and $5-7 appetizers. They also have daily specials like $5 burger & fries on Wednesday and Ladies Night on Thursday, which gets you 1/2 of bottles of wine.

BBQ Pork Sliders

Highlights: The food and drink! For only $5, I wasn't expecting my BBQ Pulled Pork Sliders to be amazing, but they were! The meat was perfectly cooked and the sauce was flavorful. They also come with a side of crispy onion strings, which is never a bad thing. The housemade potato chips were another solid choice and dangerously addictive. And if you are at Primebar on a Wednesday night, the $5 burger and fries is a steal!

Cucumber Martini

More importantly, the drink specials were great! I had a Cucumber Martini ($6). It was light and refreshing, with the perfect hint of sweetness. If you're driving, be forewarned they are pretty strong. After 1, I was feeling buzzed, and after 2, I was glad I had a DD with me. If you are more of a wino, the happy hour wine list has some great selections, especially for $5. For you red wine fans, you can't go wrong with the Acacia Pinot Noir or the KV Cabernet.

Lowlights: I'm not sure how I felt about the wood-paneling. The horizontal paneling in the dining area didn't bother me that much and actually looked kind of cool. But the vertical paneling in the main room made me feel like I had time-warped back to the 70s. And not in a good way. I also wasn't crazy about the "art" on the walls. Between the creepy pair of eyes staring me down and the picture of a half naked man that looked like it came straight from an Abercrombie bag, it just looked like a random assortment of someone's bad high school photography portfolio.

The Crowd: We got there right before 5 and it was pretty empty except for a few older couples. Once 5:30 rolled around, the place started to fill up with a good mix of people. There was a huge table of 20-somethings coming straight from work, old business men lurking at the bar, and of course, the clown sitting across from us who looked like Lady Gaga at age 50.

And the Verdict is...

I usually have no reason to venture to North Scottsdale, or NorSco as I like to call it (I am determined to make parts of Phoenix have NYC neighborhood-like names.) But now that I work out there, I look forward to new happy hour adventures and mingling with douchebags, cougars, and 30k millionaires Scottsdale's finest. But if happy hours in NorSco are as good as Primebar's, I think I will manage just fine.

Have a Strong Drinki @ Hula's Modern Tiki

Location: Hula’s Modern Tiki- Central Phoenix. I also just learned they have locations in Santa Cruz & Monterrey, CA. So all you Nor-Cal folk can enjoy the fun too!

HH Hours: Tiki Time Happy Hour is M-F 3:30–6pm, Wed. night until 11pm, 10:30am–7pm on Sat. & Sun. Five apps are $5, signature cocktails are $5, drafts are $3.50, and Bud Light bottles are $2.

Mai Tai

Highlights: Normally, I shy away from cocktails, especially fruity ones, but the Mai Tai ($5) was amazing! The menu says “Not your fruity Mai Tai. Strong and Limey,” and the description is right on! I was definitely kind of tips after one.

I didn’t let the fact that I had just eaten dinner stop me from ordering food. The small Basket of Sweet Potato Fries ($3) not only came with Hula’s tasty “famous secret dipping sauce” but the serving  was also huge! Between three of us nibbling at the fries all night, we didn’t even finish them.

I got the Pork Taco ($3) thinking it would be a small street-vendor sized taco. WRONG! It was monstrous! I told myself I would just sample some it because even I couldn’t rationalize eating that whole thing. And of course, I ate just about all of it. But with its delicious slow-roasted pork tempting me, can you really blame me?

And for all you patio lovers, Hula’s has a great one! It’s  perfect for Sunday Funday (or any day really). There’s even a church across the street, which means you can be holy while you get drunk. I like to picture Baby Jesus wearing a tuxedo shirt because it says, "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party." He would definitely approve of you day drinking at Hula's. 

patio during the day

Lowlights: The Blood Orange Martini ($5) was a bit too sweet for my liking. I think it would give me diabetes before it would get me drunk. 

The Crowd: The inside was pretty empty, but the patio was pretty crowded considering it was a Wednesday night at 10. But the weather was perfect, and who wouldn’t want to enjoy a cocktail outside on a beautiful night? Also, I think Phoenix is full of alcoholics. Maybe that’s why I love my city so much.

And the Verdict is…

I really don't know what Hula could do better!  Well maybe if Hula's could  import a beach and find some strong, shirtless Polynessian men to fan me with palm fronds while I sip Mai Tais. A girl can dream...

What is This, Food for Ants? @ Province

Location: Province– Downtown Phoenix @ The Westin

HH Hours: Daily 3pm to 6pm; Reverse HH on Friday & Saturday from 8pm–close. HH drinks are: $5 Provicne Margarita or Pimlico Grid cocktails, $3 drafts, $4 House Wine. Food choices include 1/2 price flatbreads and $6 Trio of Province Bites. There's a different daily special each day, so check the "Events" section on the website.  

Chorizo & Manchego Flatbread

Awesome Patio

Highlights: The atmosphere! The place looks/feels cool and trendy without being pretentious. The patio is the perfect place to sit and talk with some friends over a few drinks (or several). You're pretty much sitting on a corner of downtown with a great view of the nearby buildings. And the fire pit should  come in handy for Phoenix's one month of winter. 

The House Wine was also delicious! Definitely did not taste like typical house wine– it was actually good! The chef sent us an amuse bouche, Roasted Bell Pepper Gazpacho, and it was super fresh and tasty. The Chorizo and Manchego Flatbread ($8) was definitely the winner of the night. Not only was it decently sized, but how can you go wrong with cheese, meat, and carbs? Unless you hate America, it's pretty much your patriotic duty to eat only from those food groups.




Lowlights: Aside from the Flatbread, the food wasn't impressive. I enjoyed the Summer Squash Taquitos ($6 for 3) but  they were actually tacos and not taquitos. You probably should know how to label your Mexican dishes if you are going to have a restaurant in Phoenix. And don't let the picture fool you. The "Taquitos" were tiny. Something that is bite-sized and has no meat should not cost $2.

"Taquitos"

White Corn Croquetas

The Crispy White Corn Croquetas ($4), on the other hand, were plentiful. Unfortunately, they were not very good. The texture of the filling was a bit on the slimy side, and the corn had some weird tasting cheese mixed in with it. Between 3 of us, we only managed to finish one, and that's only because I hate wasting food.

Lettuce w/ a side of hamachi

The worst, by far, was the Hamachi Sashimi ($6). When it said it came with 2 pieces, I wasn't expecting it to big, but it ended up being more like a bed of lettuce, chiles, and capers with a side of hamachi. The capers  overwhelmed the taste of the hamachi. Even the piece I ate without any capers or chilies barely tasted like hamachi.

Some of the HH prices were different from what the website said, and the menu didn't have them listed. Two of us ordered the house wine, which is supposed to be $4, but we were charged $6. The flatbread was also full price, when it should have been 1/2 off.

The Crowd: Pretty empty for a Friday night when HH was going on. But it is downtown and a relatively new restaurant. Plus, regardless of what the calendar says, it's still summer in Phoenix and who wants to go out of the house when it's 95º+ at night?

And the Verdict Is...

Province is like the hot girl/guy you go on a date with hoping to find out there's more to them then just their looks. After an hour of the date, it's painfully obvious there's not. But you'll give them a second chance anyways because a) you're holding out hope you're wrong and b) they're just so hot!

So Province, I will give you a second chance because I loved your patio and I think you have a lot of potential. Maybe we can at least be friends.